Have you ever noticed that one person who seems to have all the self control in the world? I may be talking about you, but most likely not, so take that look around your office (because well I know you, like me, are doing this on company time) and find that one person who has some level of self control. For me this wasn't found in the office, sorry my speakingfromexperience confidants, it was when I logged onto my myspace page and saw that a near and dear friend is training for a triathlon. Big deal right? No, it IS a big deal.
She did this when we worked together over a year ago and shed those pounds like it was going out of style. I was jealous then and am SUPER jealous now of her ability to stay focused. Now somewhere deep inside of me tells me that I too could achieve something like that. Then the other part of me tells me to fill up that 44 oz diet dr pepper, grab those candy bars that are 3 for a buck, and get that cookie to go with the big bag of chips you grabbed too. Yes, that is what I did today at Maverick. What the hell, I have already put on the pounds so who really cares? Well the honest answer to that, is me. I care, but I have no self control or drive to put the bad stuff down and replace it with something that is good for me. In a way, I don't have the drive to see myself succeed. Because after all, what would I have to complain about then? what would I make my friends laugh at? I looked at myself today, figuratively of course, and wondered what had gone wrong along the way.
About a year ago I was working out every weekday at my lunch break. No days off, everyday without fail. I was eating under 1500 calories and I had even gone to the extent of hiring a personal trainer for over 3 months. My starting weight at all of this was 142 pounds. My ending weight (after 6 months) was also 142 pounds. Now, I wouldn't have had an issue had I lost inches, but that didn't happen either. I forked out so much money to lose the weight and nothing happened. At least I thought nothing had changed, until I realize now that I felt better about myself. My image, which actually hadn't changed at all, looked different to me in the mirror, but because the pounds didn't shed and I didn't get in my small jeans I stopped going cold turkey and haven't been back since November of last year.
Since then I have tried to balance my food intake, taking in the suggested percentages of things, my failure comes from when I am not at work and I eat crap on the weekends. So I switched back to Weight Watchers, which had worked wonderfully for me many years ago (I shed 20 pounds). I do well until it comes to the weekends or late evenings, then everything goes to shit. My doctor told me that I am just getting older, and as I get older I will gain more weight. I say BULLSHIT. I was down to consuming 900 - 1200 calories a day. At this rate something should happen, but at this point I think my body is burning nothing.
So my question to everyone who has the quality of Jedi powered self control, where does it come from? and where do I get it? Do you think its hereditary, something we learn as children, do our parents teach this to us or lack thereof through conditioning without even realizing it? Am I then passing this quality (or fault) to my children? I feel the rewards of having the ability to reach personal goals on a work / career and social basis but I cannot obtain those things that I truly want in my heart of hearts. Why is this? I want your opinion.... do you think we set ourselves up to fail so that we have something to continually complain about?
I know for me it feels like a lot of work for something that I deserve to have, but where do I get the assumption that my lazy ass should look like Catherine Bell or Fergie? Do I feel as though everything I have been through entitles me to be special? Or do we all just want the easy way out? are we so lazy that even our minds have lost the ability to push us towards our personal goals?
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